Whoa

Definitely never thought in a million years that I would end up here...but at the same time,in the back of mind,I thought it would probally be what I would get. Years of destroying other's relationship would in some way, shape, form or fashion come back to "haunt" me. Kinda ironic that I feel this way on Halloween...more confused than I've ever been in my life. Seems like doing the right always brings the wrong results....or maybe you hafta experience hell on earth in order to receive heaven for eternity. Me and love have seemed to be a hit and miss type deal...sometimes I got it figured out, other times I don't. One thing I will say tho is that the more I get hurt by people, the more I learn about what love is and who Love is. Every time I feel as if I have nothing left, I find strength from within. To make a long story short, no matter what comes, I will continue to love God and continue to love me. Lesson learned: Keep God first...me second.

Questions

Ever try to figure out why...ever wonder why prayers seem to take so long before an answer is received...ever try to figure out why you life took the path it did and if everything is in God's hands, why did He choose to allow the things He did? You're not alone. In a place now where all I can do is ask why...not mad...not bitter...a little confused...and just wanting answers. Being strong for everybody else is great until you need someone to be strong for you. Most of the people that depend on your strength don't even know how to be there for you  and in most cases, really have no clue how to handle situations when the roles are reversed. On top of all of that, the one power that you can call on decides to take a silent role. The thing is, so many are in the same spot but can't express these emotions because of fear or because they must remain strong at all times. Something that's taught at a young age when you're a pastors child. You never let people see what's really going on. At this point in life when I'm fighting so many different battles, fatigue is definitely trying to take a place in thoughts. What do you do when you know giving up is not an option, but that's all you want to do? I hope that nobody reading this is waiting for an answer because I don't have it...lol. I guess doing this helps me feel better and gives my mind the release it needs. In everything, I will continue to give thanks and I definitely won't stop until I've released my last breath. Maybe I'll find the answers...maybe I won't. Either way, life will continue to go on...